Say it like you mean it
by cloudsandsilvers
Summary: Once it was out there, you can't really take it back. Facing someone you've hurt with words that are both true and untrue at the same time is a very tricky situation to be in.


Title: Say it like you mean it

Summary: Once it was out there, you can't really take it back. Facing someone you've hurt with words that are both true and untrue at the same time is a very tricky situation to be in.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock nor do I take profit from it.

A/N: Aftermath of TFP episode Sherlolly side. I saw this cast interview about TFP and Benedict said that Sherlock hasn't decided yet whether he loves Molly or not and I agree with it. I think Sherlock's I love you to Molly was a half truth. He does love her in his own way however he's not sure whether he _should have_ those feelings for her. Besides he's also not sure what love is in the first place. After all, for all of his life, he kept his emotions at bay so I think having Sherlock immediately saying I love you to Molly completely with the whole romantic context is a bit farfetched. But I firmly believe Sherlock does love her and I think that given time and a proper conversation; these two will come to an understanding and perhaps start a relationship together.

It's been a while since I've written something so please excuse me as I try to write this as coherently as possible haha

Please enjoy!

* * *

It started as a bad day and ended as a horrible one. Molly Hooper was curled on her bed as she tried to stop the tears caused by the one and only man she had ever truly loved, Sherlock Holmes.

It was not the first time he made her cry of course but it was too much this time.

She heard her cellphone ring and the heavy pain in her chest hardened. She bit her bottom lip and curled her fist.

Why was she doing this? Why is she letting herself be affected again by the man she knew is not capable of having emotions?

"Come on Hooper, pull yourself together. You're tougher than this"

After a last sniff and a quick wipe of her eyes, she stood up and went to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of her favourite wine she's saving for days like this, a few cans of coke and some chips stashed deep inside the cupboard. She turned off her phone without looking who the caller is and went to the couch to watch a marathon of the sappiest romance movies she knows. She's had enough of thinking about Sherlock Holmes. Well at least for the mean time until the pain in her chest subsides and when she won't burst into tears every time she remembers that phone call.

* * *

Both John and Sherlock are back in John's apartment with Rosie sleeping peacefully in the nursery. It was a hard day for everyone and John just wants to sleep peacefully but it was obvious that there was something in Sherlock's mind that needed to be sorted out. He glanced at the detective busy looking at his phone and John knew what or rather who's causing this right now.

"She's not picking up the phone?" He asked casually

Sherlock glanced up and nodded to John. "She's now turned it off so I can't contact her"

John nodded and sipped the fresh tea he has on hand "You hurt her"  
"I know that"

"She won't talk to you so soon after that phone call"

Sherlock sighed, "How am I supposed to explain myself to her if she won't let me?" He asked ruffling his hair and crossing his arms

John watched the detective carefully and can't help but compare him to the Sherlock he first met ' _He really has changed'_ was the thought in his head while they were having this conversation.

He knew that despite what Sherlock says about not needing friends, he values all of them. After all he was willing to sacrifice himself to save them. He saw time and time again the man be worried and angry because he or Mrs. Hudson was in danger. John is also sure that he was also deeply affected with Mary's death; it was obvious when Sherlock let him kick and punch him to release all the pent up anger with the reasoning that he is entitled to.

John sat on the couch beside him and realized that this is the real Sherlock Holmes who has remembered a part of him that was initially lost. Here is a man who now understands that emotions and friends aren't really a big liability than what he claimed it to be.

Sherlock leaned forward and placed his palm together showing a prayer like pose. He closed his eyes and sat still.

John quietly observed him. The detective values all his friends however Molly is a different matter and John knew this. He sighed. That needs a bit more work for Sherlock to fully understand what's happening.

John sipped his tea and carefully said "Molly knows you, Sherlock. As I said, she's the only person who can see through all of your bullshit even from before. She'll come around; just give her time"

Sherlock quickly opened his eyes and looked at him "Yes, of course..." He replied and cleared his throat "Well then I better go to Bakerstreet to see if I still have some clothes I can wear. I'll be right back"

"You have the spare key. Just let yourself in later"

Sherlock nodded and left the flat with a swish of his coat.

John closed his eyes and sipped the remaining tea in his cup. He is not sure what is going on inside the consulting detective's head but the doctor knew it's not just Sherlock's brilliant mind that's doing the thinking in this situation.

* * *

Sherlock ignored the cabbies zooming past him as he walked leisurely towards Bakerstreet. It was probably not a good idea to walk around at night after being exposed to several psychological tests as research but he knew he had to move around.

His mind is still processing what has happened and is organizing it away. Many things have come to light and somehow he's surprised that he feels calm through it all. Perhaps it's the liberating feeling of finally knowing the truth or perhaps his emotions has gone haywire and his mind decided to just numb it for a bit so he won't be as stressed. Either way he knew that what happened today changed everything. Changed his life for sure; for the better or worse he hasn't come to a conclusion yet.

He looked around the scenery and he found himself walking towards a familiar place. Going to Bakerstreet meant passing near Molly's flat and he stopped on his tracks. He knew he hurt her. He understood that she won't see him so soon after what happened. But there's this compelling feeling to see her and for the first time in a long while; his mind can't comprehend why.

"Must be this emotional context Eurus is talking about" he mumbled and continued on his way.

Molly is one of the few people he trusts and consider as a friend. She is ready to help him whenever he needs to and she cares for him as well. He also knows that Molly harbored feelings for him which was why there were times he used this as his advantage. However since he thought that feelings were useless; he never gave thought about it. At least not until today when his heart was ripped open for everyone to see. It seems that his heart is not a stone as much as he would like it to be.

* * *

A knock on the door disturbed Molly from opening her third bottle of wine. She grumbled.

"Go away!" She shouted and continued to drink

"Mollly?" A very familiar voice said

She glared at the door. How dare he show his face here, "Leave me alone"

"I need to talk to you"

Molly growled and stomped towards the door. Almost tripping on the carpet and bumping her knee on a nearby table, she reached the door and fumbled with her locks

"Didn't you hear what I said? I told you to leave me alone"

Sherlock stared at her face "You're drunk"

Molly attempted to roll her eyes but clutched on the door with the sudden vertigo it caused.

Sherlock moved to support her but Molly stood upright and glared "I don't need you to tell me that." She snarled and pushed his hands away

Sherlock just stood there in front of her silently. After staring at him for a while; she noticed how stiff he looked as he stood there. Well, it's clear to her that he's uncomfortable with this; he just needs to leave now!

Molly sighed "Sherlock, I don't want you here. Understand with that thick head of yours that I don't want to see you or hear your voice for a few days. Goodbye" She firmly said and closed the door. She was stopped with Sherlock's hand blocking her.

"I need you to listen to me Molly" He said quietly

She bit her lip and closed her eyes, "Sherlock, you can't just barge in on me after you've hurt me. It's understood that when you hurt someone you give them time and space to cool down. As you can see I'm dealing with the pain you've caused me right now so I need you to leave"

Sherlock was still and his gaze sharpened on her "I can't leave you alone like this"

Molly's chest tightened and her eyes became heavy with tears. She doesn't know if she should cry or laugh. She did both.

Sherlock opened the door wider and carefully held her shoulder to push her back and let himself in. He quietly closed and locked the door. Once inside, he guided Molly to sit on the couch.

Turning off the telly, he sat still next to Molly with some space between them. He doesn't know if he should pat her back or hold her hand. He's the reason for the tears and pain. Sherlock surmised that physical contact with the person responsible will only make it worse. However the need to comfort her was strong and it felt like a punch in the gut as he heard each sniffle from her and he can't do anything about it.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She asked as she wiped the last of her tears away

"Doing what?"

"This. Making me feel like you care for me"

Sherlock blinked and looked at her

"I told you that you matter to me, Molly"

Molly laughed drily "I know Sherlock, I know"

Sherlock frowned "Why are you laughing"

Molly looked at him and sighed "I might as well talk to you since you've barged in on me like this"

Sherlock sat silently as Molly stood up and went inside the kitchen. After a while she emerged with two mugs on hand; tea for her and black coffee for him, and set it on the coffee table

She sat and crossed her legs. She leaned on the couch and grabbed her mug to warm her hands.

"Let me get to the point-" She started but was interrupted with Sherlock cutting her "Let me tell you what happened first Molly, please"

Molly stopped and looked at him. She saw his unusual earnest gaze towards her. It almost looked like he was looking at her pleadingly. Molly nodded and leaned back to the couch; waiting for him to continue.

"Today... I met with a sister I have forgotten..her name is Eurus" Sherlock's eyes were glazed as he told her what happened.

Molly listened as Sherlock told who Eurus is and where she was. He mentioned their trip to Sherrinford and how Moriarty came into play with this whole debacle. He explained why he had forgotten Eurus and Redbeard. Molly gasped in this and reached for his hands; Sherlock didn't flinch and continued on.

Lastly; he told her what happened when him with John and Mycroft were captured in the facility and all of the stress they endured due to the psychological torture they were exposed to.

"... the next one was my phone call to you" Sherlock glanced at her

Molly's eyes widened "...you needed me to say I love you"

Sherlock nodded "...or else you would die"

Molly swallowed and nodded "Okay, I understand" She removed her hands from his and took her cooling tea to drink.

Sherlock stayed silent and observed her. Molly was sitting cross-legged beside him. Her hair was in a messy bun with a lot of stray hair falling and framing her face. Sherlock found himself cataloguing every little detail of Molly down from the small scar of her fiddling thumb due to a scalpel accident.

"Molly..I-"

"Do you know why I never said those words to you even though it was painfully obvious?"

He stayed silent as her eyes stared at the unlit fireplace

"Because when I say it. Everything will change Sherlock. What we have now will change because this means I've fully accepted it even after trying for so long..." She took a long sip of her tea "...trying so long to get over you..." she closed her eyes " and e-even though I-I know th-that" Molly took in a shaky breath "despite my love for you, you won't be able to love me back"

She fixed her gaze on the unlit fireplace before them; willing the tears that gathered in her eyes to disappear.

Sherlock took in a deep breath and moved closer to her "Molly, look at me."

He held her shoulders and waited for her to turn towards him

"You..." He closed his eyes and breathed. He opened his eyes and stared deep in her eyes, hoping that whatever he says will not push her away "You said that I should say those words like I meant it. I..." he paused and studied her face "...may not understand it fully but I know that I meant it. I meant every word I said"

Molly gave him a watery smile and hugged him "I know more than anyone that you don't understand emotions yet but you're on your way. You've changed since you met John and I'm glad"

She let go to look at him straight in his eyes, observing at how surprisingly expressive his eyes were tonight "However my love for you is not the same as your love, Sherlock" She finished and held his cheek gently.

Sherlock breathed and leaned on her touch. It was an automatic reaction on his part; having felt the warmth of Molly on him, he can't help but just bask in it.

"I've always said that love is a chemical defect found in the loosing side...however I don't believe this to be important anymore," Sherlock held the hand on his cheek "I care about you enough to want you happy Molly Hooper"

Molly closed her eyes "And I'm glad that you do" She let out a small smile and opened her eyes. She was met with Sherlock's intense gaze at her making her heart pound

"I will always be here for you Molly. Remember that"

Molly smiled and nodded. Her chest still feels painful but she's happy. She matters to Sherlock and Molly knew that's all that she can ever ask for from him.

Sherlock reached to hug her. She wrapped her arms around him and breathed him in. She closed her eyes and savoured the feel of being so close to this amazing but infuriating man she has come to love. She let go first and kissed him on the cheek. Sherlock let out a small smile.

"You better go back to Bakerstreet, it's really late"

"About that, Bakerstreet exploded so I don't have anything on me. Won't you let me stay here for a while?"

"Exploded?"

"Don't worry no one was hurt"

"Thank goodness everyone is fine" Her shoulders sagged in relief "You're always welcome to stay here. You know where your things are. I'm going to bed, good night"

Sherlock doesn't know what came over him but he held Molly's wrist to stop her going to her bedroom. Molly looked up at him questioningly. He took a step closer to bend down and kiss her forehead.

"Goodnight" He whispered and let her go. Molly stood still for a moment and blinked. A small smile bloomed on her face.

She turned around and went inside her room with Sherlock contemplating where the sudden urges for physical intimacy are coming from.


End file.
